fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
