There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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