I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
