is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I did not marry a roomba.
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