You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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