he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
