It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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