just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I've blown a few things in my day
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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