hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
