so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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