margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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