she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
