sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize