the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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