He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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