I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
