bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
