Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
