I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
