Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
