He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
