I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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