i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
