she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
