glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
