I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Everything about him screamed your future.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
