What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i believe in u and ur pee
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
