two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
