I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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