And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
