I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
