Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
