Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Randomize
