This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
