Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
