Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
