I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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