if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize