Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
