The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Life without a bra equals bliss.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
