either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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