Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
