I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
