Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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