tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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