Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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