You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
