Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
