Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
