Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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