He had one of those small greek statue penises
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
