There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
