Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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