I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
