Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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