Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
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