If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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