im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Found the puke drawer
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
