I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
