Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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