so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
