Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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