people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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