i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Randomize
