Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I FOUND THE LEGS
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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