Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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