you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
