I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
