Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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