when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
