like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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