One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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