only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
My dad just said "fuck circus"
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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