Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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