No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
