Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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