I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize