My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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