I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i jhust puked up my retainher.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
