My first STD was from a foam party
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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