I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we're making bets on your personal life
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
