it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
