yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize