well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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