My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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