Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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