my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
