First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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