my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize