Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
