I just made out with a guy for $7.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
she looked like the before picture.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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