i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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