So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
