Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
