im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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