I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
