so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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