my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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