When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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