Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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