my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Thank you for not boning my boss.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
