when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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