did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize