I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
