So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
