You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
