my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Come see our sink grown plant.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
