You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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