Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
