he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
