By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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